以下是17种让人恶心到吐的社交网络更新，来看看你“中枪”了吗？
1. Declarations of love that don’t ever need to declare: “I love my daughter sooo much.
没必要的爱的宣告：“我好爱我的女儿啊。”
Analysis: They feel the need to convince someone like themselves, or perhaps felt a pang of love and instead of telling the beloved, they felt the whole world should be in on it. Once, a friend of mine posted, “I hate my kid. Sorry to offend you, but he’s a little bastard and I’m sick of him.” Obviously it was a joke, but 141 people felt the need to tell him what a bad parent he was.
分析：这些人是不是觉得非得让别人知道自己有多喜欢谁，他们可能觉得坚守这份爱有些苦闷，你倒是告诉你爱的人啊，满世界嚷嚷算什么意思啊？有一次我的朋友发了这样一篇：“我讨厌我孩子，如果让你不爽我很抱歉，但他真的是个小混蛋，我太讨厌他了。”很明显他开个玩笑罢了，不过141个家伙在下面留言说他实在是个不称职的父亲……
2. Mundane details about their day appearing as milestones: “Going to dinner and a movie!!!”
普普通通的生活细节，非要当成里程碑一样的大事：“去吃了晚饭，还看了电影！！！”
Analysis: A very boring life.
分析：这样的日子真无聊。
3. Giving details about health along with emoticon to verify feelings about it: “Feeling sick today :(“
发身体情况的细节，还要加个表情符号证实自己说的没错：“今天感觉病怏怏的:(”
Analysis: Bored, and too stupid to just play Words with Friends.
分析：这人也被无聊逼的，和朋友玩文字游戏你都不够格，你这个蠢货。
4. Emotional rant directed at no one in particular, but so specific that everyone knows they’ve been screwed over: “Never trust people who tell you they will pick you up at 6 just to make you wait an hour. Some people will never be mature enough to be in a relationship, so maybe they should be dumped.”
情绪激动的怒骂，看似不针对某人，其实大家都知道他俩完了：“永远别相信一个说6点钟来接你，结果让你苦等了1个小时的家伙。有些人永远没办法像成熟的人一样谈恋爱，也许他们活该被甩。”
Analysis: Well, they can’t really give the person’s name or address them directly. That would be too honest.
分析：咳，这人就是不指名道姓，也不该当着对方的面直接说。
5. Pictures of feet.
拍脚的照片
Analysis: I have no idea why people do this. It’s weird.
分析：我不知道为什么有人要这么做。太奇怪了。
6. Pictures of mundane plates of food in front of them.
一盘摆在面前普普通通的菜
Analysis: “I’m eating. You have to see what I’m eating!” Well, maybe it looked better at the restaurant.
分析：“我在吃饭哒，你要看我在吃婶Mua!”没准餐馆里的真货要比你拍的还好看些。
7. Dozens of trivial pictures of people and their new boyfriends/girlfriends smiling and posing.
一堆人的照片，要么是张三李四，要么是和男/女朋友摆出Pose微笑的照片。
Analysis: This is a very interesting phenomenon. I’ve looked at a lot of people’s Facebook albums. Women typically begin a relationship and immediately start accumulating evidence of it. The more insecure the woman, the more evidence there will be. She will begin posting them as default profile pics. In a couple of weeks, she will no longer have a profile pic with just her in it. Then she tags the boyfriend, and the tagged photos are often the only ones that the boyfriend has on his page. However, he is absolutely required to “like” all of them. You can tell how long a relationship will last by the difference in pics between the couple. If the woman has 30 and the man has 3 – it’s over in 3 months. You can also gage how invested in the relationship your female partner is by counting the pics. Anything over 10 should be a warning that she wants to marry you. Some people have over a hundred, which shows some serious desperation in providing evidence that, in fact, they are really together.
分析：这种有趣的现象值得一说。我（原文作者）翻过很多人的Facebook相册了，一般来说，女人只要谈恋爱，马上就要发大量的证据。安全感越差，发的照片越多。开始的时候可能是默认的头像，几周以后，头像照片就找不到只有她一个人的了，她会发两人的合照，会把男友圈起来，她男友空间里只有一张照片，没错，就是这张被她圈起来的照片。她页面里所有的照片男人都绝对要点赞。想知道两人多久会分？看看照片数量的差距就知道。女人发了30张，男人发了3张——3个月分。女人有多少张照片，她对感情就有多投入。一旦超过10张，小心她产生“嫁给你好了”的想法。某些女士发的照片会超过100张，看来也是蛮拼的。
8. White girls wearing a lot of makeup and trying to strike a badass pose, sometimes making what they think are gang symbols.
女孩化浓妆比手势的照片，其实都是黑帮手势
Analysis: They wish they were badass, or at least half Chicano, but they’re just ridiculous.
分析：想尽方法装酷，至少有那么点其卡诺人的酷劲，但只是显得可笑十足。
9. Persuasive proclamations of life being good: “I’m loving life right now.”
生活很美好之类的感人宣告：“我爱当下的生活。”
Analysis: Life is not good.
分析：日子过得不好才会这么说。
10. Persuasive proclamations about God. “I feel blessed to be alive on this glorious day, and I owe it all to God. Make God your only Savior and you will never be sad.”
对神的感人告白：“能活得这么好都是有您的庇佑，我的一切都归于上帝。若将上帝作为你唯一救星，永远不会悲伤。”
Analysis: Religious people need to spend more time in church and less time on Facebook.
分析：如果你信宗教就多花点时间去教堂，花少点时间在Facebook上。
11. Updates about how much they drink and how excited they are to be drinking: “LOL…it’s only 8:30 and look at us!! We’re already drunk!! LOL!”
喝了多少酒，喝了酒以后多么兴奋：“LOL……才8：30看看咱爷们！！爷们儿已经醉啦！！LOL!”
Analysis: “I’m having fun. I swear. I’m not an alcoholic. I just don’t know any other way of self-proclaiming my sense of being cool.”
分析：“我挺开心，真的。我不是酒鬼，只是我不知道还有什么别的方法表达我现在超爽的感觉了。”
12. Updates of mundane activities written as though they are jokes: “I had to stop and get gas and then wait an hour for a prescription. Then I lost my keys and couldn’t get back in my car. Hahaha.”
憋个段子写些稀松平常的事情：“停车加油，又等了一个小时拿到处方。结果发现我把车钥匙丢了，现在车也进不去。哈哈哈。”
Analysis: “It’s funny, right? Please say it’s funny.”
分析：“好笑嘛，嗯？请你告诉我哪好笑。”
13. Updates written as though the page-bearer never had an English class, not even in elementary school. “OK I went to the OMG the swag thing u know I ran into that girl my friends cousin and she LOL had a gold ring in her nose and she says hey u biggie I swear I almost loosed it right their hahahaha but she knew I had to go to”
好像从没上过语言课，小学都没上过的那种：“OK，我们去了，OMG，看那个晃来晃去的东西，跑过去那姑凉我朋友表弟，LOL，她鼻子上长了个房环，还说嘿大家伙你好啊，我发誓我快用光了，现在他们的，哈哈哈哈哈，不过她很酷就是了，我得走了。”
Analysis: They failed English but finally found a way to express incomprehensible thoughts.
分析：这些人语言不过关，不过也算找到一种表达他们猜不透的想法的方法。
14. Quoted clichés from various thinkers: “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” –Unknown.
引用各种哲人的话：“爱过又失去总比从未爱过要好。”——未知哲人
Analysis: “I can’t think of anything amazing to say while I comfort myself, and I can’t find my iPod to quote some Lady Gaga.”
分析：“我想安慰自己，但我又说不出很牛逼的话，我手头没有iPod，Lady Gaga说过的名言我也没法引用。”
15. Quoted song lyrics from really bad songwriters written as though it’s philosophy: “I set fire to the rain, and I threw us into the flames, where I heard something’ die” –Adele
引用狗屁词作者写的破歌词，奉做哲理：“我将大雨点燃，将我俩投进火焰，我听见火焰里传来了死亡的声音。——阿黛尔”
Analysis: “Adele is amazing! She is NOT a preconceived commercial scheme of the music industry. She’s not!”
分析：“阿黛尔真棒！她才不是音乐产业商业计划链中的一环。她不是！”
16.Political rants about random things: “Why should churches have to pay for abortions? Obama is a terrible president and a terrorist.”
不管什么都扯上政治：“为什么教会要为流产买单？奥巴马作为总统烂透了，简直是恐怖分子。”
Analysis: I don’t know. I hate politics.
分析：其实我什么都不懂，我只是讨厌政治。
17. Unusual excitement about seeing someone: “OMG I can’t wait to see Lesley and Jaime and Kelly!!”
见到人特别兴奋：“OMG，我迫不及待要见到Lesley、还有Jaime还有Kelly！！”
Analysis: Superficiality is the drug of the overabundance.
分析：肤浅是治疗精力过剩的良药。
来自：VOA英语网
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